


Never Be The Same

by choiseokjinie



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Dysfunctional Family, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, High School, Love, M/M, Romance, tw: mention of domestic violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:07:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25388038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/choiseokjinie/pseuds/choiseokjinie
Summary: Beomgyu and Taehyun are best friends; they are each other's shelter when the world is cruel and unforgiving. Of course they love each other. But what happens when one's platonic feelings develops into something... more?
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Choi Yeonjun, Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun, Choi Soobin/Huening Kai
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first au I've ever written so sorry for any mistakes etc. Hopefully as I go on, I'll be able to improve and learn from any mistakes. I hope you enjoy reading, and if you have any qs or want to chat, my twitter is @choiseokjinie!

Genuine friendships are so hard to come by these days. Somehow people are complicated; you never know if their intentions are truly good or if they see a potential in you that they envy and want to get close to, and so like a moth to the flame, they flock to you greedily. 

That’s why Beomgyu of all people couldn’t believe it when the universe allowed his soul to be intertwined with a soul as pure and good as Taehyun’s. 

He had met Taehyun as a freshman, tall and lanky with brown hair that shined in the sunlight and dark rimmed glasses that hid his bright youthful eyes. He was nearly the same height as Beomgyu back then, but that didn’t stop the latter from seeing him as a small child that he had the urge to look after. They had met when Taehyun had went into the music department to take guitar lessons and Beomgyu, being the school’s musical prodigy, had previously volunteered to overlook some of the teacher’s students and help out with lessons in his free time. Thank god Beomgyu was charitable with his time.

He couldn’t forget how Taehyun was so painfully shy, how he held the guitar so delicately almost as if he was afraid his touch alone would cause it to crumble into pieces. His fingers were moving hesitantly between chords, but Beomgyu quickly found out that he was a quick learner, mastering the basic chords in no time. The first few lessons the pair barely uttered a word to each other apart from the expected civil conversations. But the more Taehyun became comfortable with his presence, the more he seemed to open up to Beomgyu. He began talking about his hobbies and passions, how he had loved to hear his dad play when he was younger and grew to love the sounds of guitar strums; Beomgyu couldn’t forget how the younger shyly confessed his admiration of him when he heard he was the school’s ace and musical prodigy all in one. And so, in that tiny music room at their high school, in their little town in Daegu, a lifetime friendship was built.

Beomgyu smiled at the thought. He was sitting in a café near the school at 8am on a cold Monday morning, but the thought of his younger friend brought a warm feeling to his insides. Speaking of his friend…

“Hyung!” 

He turned around and there he was, looking too well rested for someone who had stayed up until 2am because they had suddenly craved some cheese tteokbokki in the middle of the night. 

“Taehyun-ah! You’re late, your coffee is probably cold by now.” 

“Aish, sorry! I slept through my first two alarms and then had to rush getting ready because I missed the first bus here.” 

Beomgyu rolled his eyes. 

“And who’s fault is that?”

He received no response except a pout from the younger who took a seat beside him and took a sip from his cup.  
They sat in comfortable silence for a while, both content with sipping their drinks and warming up while looking out at the window at the busy street that was bustling with office workers and students rushing to get to their respective destinations. Their daily routine of getting a cup of coffee from their favourite café before school started was a long-standing tradition ever since they became close friends after the guitar lessons. 

“Is Soobin-hyung at school already?” 

Beomgyu snapped out of his daydream at Taehyun’s question. He glanced at his watch and sighed. 8.30 am. Great, it was already time for them to leave. 

“Probably, we should head out before we’re late to class, I know you have a math quiz today.”

Taehyun looked taken aback for a second. 

“How did you know I have a quiz today?”

“Unlike some people,” Beomgyu replied, looking pointedly at him, “I actually listen to what my friends are saying.”

“Hey! I listen to what you say. I’m just surprised you know my schedule considering me and Soobin-hyung always have to remind you of yours.”

The pair stepped out into the cold breeze and walked to short distance to school, bickering the whole way about who had better memory. They reached the hallway where they separated, and both waved at each other before walking to their own classes. 

Beomgyu reached the door of his class and turned back. 

“Taehyun-ah! Fighting!” 

He didn’t bother waiting for a response and went straight inside, scanning the room quickly for Soobin and making his way once they made eye contact. 

“Would it kill you to be thoughtful one of these days and bring your friend, who is freezing his ass off by the way, a warm drink? You were literally at a café just now.” Soobin huffed.

“How do you know I was at a café? You can’t go around assuming things like that Soobin-ah.” 

“Okay first of all, that’s Soobin-HYUNG to you,” Beomgyu tried to protest but Soobin shut him up with a wave of his hand, “and second of all, don’t play dumb with me. I know you and Taehyun have coffee dates every morning at the café across the street.” 

Beomgyu rolled his eyes at the word date. 

“How many times do I have to tell you it’s not a date. Me and Taehyun are just friends.” He sighed while taking out books from his bags. “Besides, you’re just jealous I choose to go with Taehyun and not you.” 

Soobin stuck his tongue out and got his own books out, just as the teacher entered the room. 

“Good morning class! Let’s talk about enzymes shall we?” 

He’s too chirpy for a Monday morning, Beomgyu thought, before opening his book to the page the teacher requested. 

——————————————————————————————————————

In what was expected to be a long hour talking about enzymes, the bell finally rang signalling their freedom from biology. 

“There’s no way I’m going to pass this class and go to university. I think it’s physically impossible.” Soobin groaned, putting his head on the desk. 

“Stop being dramatic hyung. Come on, let’s get something to eat my brain needs to recharge before the next class.” 

“Easy for you to say. It’s like you look at a page and your brain just sucks it in within seconds.” 

“Trust me, if I had that kind of brain, you wouldn’t be in a class with me.” Beomgyu teased, earning a shove. 

“You’re lucky you help me with homework and we’ve been friends since forever, otherwise I would use my height to bully you to no end.” 

“You? Bully ME? Hyung, let’s face it you’re like a giant bunny. Despite your height, I don’t think you’re even capable of hurting a fly.” 

“Whatever, let’s just get some food. I haven’t had anything to eat since last night.” 

They walked out of the classroom and headed to the tiny corner shop just beside the school. Once they reached it, they were surprised to see how busy it was; seems like Soobin wasn’t the only one who skipped breakfast. Nevertheless, they stood in line and waited. 

The wind blew a gust of cold air through Beomgyu’s body, sending a chill down his spine. He tugged his light jacket tighter around his body, silently cursing himself for not listening to his mother’s advice and wearing another layer. 

He took a look at the empty street, laced with brown leaves all around, showing that autumn was nearly coming to an end and winter would soon take its place. He looked at the street, taking in the same scenery he’s been looking at for the past four years but never actually looked at properly. The café that held so many memories with Taehyun, the little shops lined along the road, selling a wide variety of clothes, shoes, accessories. 

The little music shop that he always found himself wandering about after school when he wasn’t ready to go home right away. He never really bought anything but his constant presence there meant he had gotten close to the owners, Yoongi and Taehyung, who were brothers blessed with amazing musical abilities. Yoongi was a music producer who always encouraged Beomgyu to come visit his studio, which he had always shyly declined, and Taehyung who could easily be a famous artist with his voice but instead lived a humble life, content with running a music shop. 

He felt nostalgic all of a sudden, realising that this could be his last year looking at this scenery; next year, he would graduate and move elsewhere to pursue his dreams and become an adult. He would leave behind his little town and his comfort zone in pursuit of something bigger. Was he ready? He still felt like he was 12 years old, barely surviving without his parents doing his laundry while he was busy with schoolwork or coming home knowing that dinner would be ready for him. 

“Gyu? We’re not in a k-drama, we’re literally in line to buy snacks and shove it in our throats before the next class, stop looking so dramatic.” 

Soobin’s teasing comment snapped him back to reality. 

“Sorry, was just lost in my thoughts.” Beomgyu said sheepishly, wondering how long he had spaced out for. 

“I can tell, I asked you about four times what you wanted and when you didn’t respond I just kept complimenting myself and I didn’t hear even one insult from you. Are you ok?”

“Yeah I’m fine. Just suddenly had the thought that we’re really graduating and leaving this all behind.” 

“Well you’re graduating, my future is still uncertain because of stupid biology.” 

“Stop being dramatic hyung, you know if I’m graduating, I’m taking you with me. We’re a team!” 

“Aw my dongsaeng,” Soobin cooed, pinching his cheeks, “I knew I could count on you.” 

Beomgyu turned away and stuck his tongue out. 

“What would you do without me?” 

“I would be an averaging D student barely making it in his classes. Is that what you wanted me to say?” Soobin deadpanned. 

“Of course, it would be mean if I said it.” 

“If you weren’t so smart I would-“ 

“Bully me to no end yes, I got it. You really need find a new threat hyung. It’s been 10 years. I know you would cry if we stopped being friends.” 

“You know, I liked you better when you were zoning out and just letting me compliment myself.”

“Sorry we’re not in a k-drama.” 

“I really hate you, you know?” 

“And I hate you more.” 

After a few more minutes, they finally got into the store. Glancing at his watch, Beomgyu saw that they only had 10 minutes to spare. He urged Soobin to hurry, pointing at his watch and saw his eyes widen. They grabbed the first snacks they saw and bolted to the register before spilling back out into the streets. 

He saw Soobin bite into the gimbap like it was his first meal in a week and snorted, taking a sip of his iced tea. They were strolling back to school now knowing that they’d make it back on time when he saw a familiar brown head just ahead of them, standing at the gates with an unfamiliar face. 

“Taehyun-ah!” Beomgyu called. 

Taehyun spun around to where his name was called and flashed a bright smile. 

“Hyung! There’s someone I want you to meet!”

Beomgyu and Soobin approached the two boys, Soobin to preoccupied with his food to take much notice of the new face. 

“Kai this is Beomgyu, the one I was telling you about.” Taehyun started, pointing towards the new kid. 

Beomgyu stole a quick glance at him. He was tall, much taller than him but probably close to Soobin’s height. He had a cherub-like face, with innocent eyes that looked like they had never witnessed so much as a single sin and pink lips that were in a semi-pout. His dark hair framed his face perfectly and Beomgyu had to admit, he was very attractive. 

“Hello sunbaenim! I’m HeuningKai, it’s so nice to meet you after Taehyun told me such great things about you.” The boy replied, bowing towards him respectfully. 

“It’s nice to meet you too. Are you new to the school?” Beomgyu replied.  
“Yes, I’ve just moved here from Hong Kong, so I don’t really know anyone but so far it’s been going well.” 

“Ah don’t worry about that, we’ll take good care of you! And if you’re in Taehyun’s class I’m sure he wouldn’t mind sticking by you.” 

Taehyun snorted. 

“Of course hyung, why do you think I’m standing here with him?” 

Before he could reply to the sarcastic comment, he felt Soobin tapping his shoulder and pointing his head towards the school building, signalling that they had to go. 

“It was nice to meet you Kai, I’ll see you both later. Bye!” 

They all waved at each other and Kai and Taehyun made their way to class as well in the opposite direction. As they were walking, Beomgyu realised he forgot to ask about the math quiz; but guessing on Taehyun’s easy-going attitude there wasn’t much to worry about. He knew Taehyun was smart, and if Beomgyu wasn’t around he would have been the school’s ace himself. He was too distracted by the new kid that asking about his friend hadn’t even crossed his mind. He made a mental note to ask later. 

“You’re not very friendly hyung.” Beomgyu stated, looking at Soobin. “And Kai was really nice, you two would get along judging from how innocent he looks too.” 

“I was trying to eat! Did I not mention that I haven’t ate since last night? Because I haven’t ate since last night.” Soobin huffed. “Besides, I’m sure Taehyun will bring pretty boy to lunch so I’ll speak to him then.” 

Beomgyu raised an eyebrow. Did Soobin just say pretty boy? 

“Pretty boy? Excuse me but did I hear that correctly?”

“Unless you’ve suddenly lost eyesight, then yes pretty boy. I may not have said anything but I obviously looked and when someone looks like that you can’t not call him pretty; I mean, who wouldn’t? The girls are going to eat him up, mark my words.” 

Beomgyu took this as his chance to get back for all the teasing about his ‘coffee dates’ with Taehyun. 

“Aw Binnie-hyung, does someone have a little crush on the new kid?” 

“Calling someone pretty doesn’t mean you like them. I just know how to appreciate beauty when I see it.” 

“If that’ll help you sleep tonight, then I’ll just agree.” 

——————————————————————————————————————

The rest of the school day passed by in a blur. Monday’s were never exciting but Kai radiated such positive energy that during lunch, Beomgyu’s stomach was starting to hurt from all the laughing. They learned that he was originally from the States and was half Korean from his mother’s side; he was also musically gifted, being able to play three instruments much to Beomgyu’s excitement. 

As expected, Soobin kept glancing at Kai and smiling to himself. Beomgyu would have teased him except for the fact that he knew not a lot of people were aware of his sexuality and so he kept his mouth shut, choosing to save the teasing for text later. 

As he made his way out of the school grounds and to the bus stop, he paused. I’m not ready to go home just yet. And so, he went to the place where he could escape reality for a bit; the music shop. The familiar ding of the entrance bell rang out, notifying Taehyung of his presence. 

“Ah, Beomgyu-ah! It’s been a while. What brings you here?” 

“Hello hyung! I didn’t want to head home yet so I just thought I would come visit here for a bit.” 

“So you’re still not going to buy anything?” 

Beomgyu pouted. 

“Is that all I am to you? A customer?” 

“Well… this is a music shop, that’s kind of how it works.” 

“And here I was thinking you actually enjoyed my company.” 

Taehyung laughed and gestured him in for a quick hug. Beomgyu left his bag on the counter and took a seat on one of the stools. 

“Where’s your friend? Taehyun isn’t it? You usually visit with him in tow.” 

“He’s touring a new kid from our school around the area. He was supposed to come but I’m sure you’ll see him around soon. He follows me like a dog on a leash.” 

“Aw, is my Beomgyu-ah being replaced already?” 

“It’s not like that hyung. Taehyun’s just being nice, plus I think Kai would appreciate it moving all the way from Hong Kong.” 

“Are you jealous?” 

The sudden question took Beomgyu aback, and he stopped flipping through the music catalog.  
“Jealous? Over what?” 

“Oh you know, Taehyun spending time with another person. Ditching you to go out with said person.” 

“Ugh. Why has everyone started teasing me over that. First it was my mom, then Soobin-hyung and now you? Me and Taehyun are just best friends, that’s all.” 

“Really?”

“Yes, really. Is there something I’m oblivious to?”

“You mean like the fact that whenever you’re around him you give him the biggest heart eyes? Or the way you speak about him, as if he’s your most treasured item?” Taehyung hummed, turning his back to Beomgyu to fix the shelves behind the counter. 

“Hyuuung, I do not do that! You’re just romanticising the simple things.” Beomgyu whined. 

“Hmm, if you say so.” Taehyung replied. “Anyway, I picked up a new guitar. Want to play around?” 

“You should have started with that!” Beomgyu exclaimed, leaping off his chair in excitement. “Let’s go!” 

——————————————————————————————————————

After spending a few hours in the shop with Taehyung, messing around on the new guitar and singing along to a few songs, Beomgyu finally got home. The house was dark, signifying that no one was home yet. He sighed and made his way upstairs to get changed into comfier clothes. He decided to text Taehyun, having realised they barely spoke to each other today except for during lunch. 

Beomgyu:  
Hyun! Are you home?

Taehyun:  
Not yet! Me and Kai are having dinner rn.

Beomgyu:  
Ah, that’s ok. Enjoy your dinner! Speak to you soon.

Taehyun:  
Bye hyung!

He sighed. He was looking forward to talking to Taehyun but he was preoccupied. Maybe now it was time to tease Soobin over text. Yes; it definitely was time. 

Beomgyu:  
So….

Soobin:  
???  
I don’t like where this is heading  
JUST SPIT IT OUT

Beomgyu:  
I?? haven’t even said ANYTHING

Soobin:  
I just know you have a shit-eating grin on your face right now.  
What do you want? 

Beomgyu:  
You couldn’t take your eyes off pretty boy  
Should I go on or is that enough?

Soobin:  
I TOLD you, I know how to appreciate beauty.

Beomgyu:  
I know how to appreciate beauty too, but I don’t sit and stare at someone with heart eyes for the rest of lunch.

Soobin:  
You’re right.

Beomgyu:  
I AM???

Soobin:  
Yeah, in your case you just call them your best friend, go for morning coffee dates with them and deny that you’ve had a crush on them for the past two years.

Beomgyu:  
We ARE just best friends !!!???!!!

Soobin:  
*read 21:30*

He read Soobin’s text over and over again. Why was everyone bringing this up to him all of a sudden? Did he do something out of the ordinary that suddenly everyone started teasing him? He didn’t like Taehyun like that. They were just best friends. Sure, they were a bit closer than most friends, the pair usually cuddling on weekends during their weekly anime marathons that would last until the early hours of the next day, or how they were each other’s closest confidant and always went out to eat food together at any random hour. But their friendship was just special. Taehyun just got Beomgyu in a way nobody else did. 

Soobin had been his longest friend and he trusted him, but there were just certain things going on in Beomgyu’s head that he would never confide to him in fear that he would be embarrassed. With Taehyun on the other hand, he never had that problem. It was almost as if Taehyun could read his mind and just know what Beomgyu was thinking. He knew just how to cheer him up on his bad days. He always understood the words left unsaid that Beomgyu couldn’t bring himself to say out loud. He couldn’t explain their bond to others because there were no right words to describe it. Maybe soulmates? But that was too cheesy; Beomgyu internally cringed at the word. 

He fixed himself a quick dinner of ramen and then made his way upstairs to get started on his work. After what felt like hours, he glanced at the clock and saw that it was midnight. Time for bed. He brushed his teeth and then got into bed, passing out straight away that he forgot to even text goodnight to Taehyun and ask if he got home okay. 

——————————————————————————————————————

The next morning, Beomgyu was sat in the café at 8am at their usual spot. He had stupidly forgotten to charge his phone the night before and so had no way of contacting Taehyun; he was just glad his body clock was used to getting up early every morning so he didn’t sleep in. 

8.05 am

No sign of Taehyun. Did he oversleep again? 

8.15 am

Beomgyu was looking around the street for a familiar head of brown hair to appear, running to catch his breath because he was late. 

8.30 am 

Beomgyu started to get worried. Taehyun was never this late and he had never stood him up before. Did something happen at home again? Beomgyu silently cursed himself for not charging his phone AND forgetting to bring his charger with him.

8.40 am

Beomgyu waited until the last minute to leave, just in case Taehyun ever showed up. But nothing. He sighed and got up, walking out of the door. He was just about to approach the school gates when he saw something that made him stop dead in his tracks. 

There in front of him was Taehyun and Kai, holding cups of coffee, laughing as they walked to class.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any thoughts, I'd love to hear from you! So comment down below, or find me on twitter @choiseokjinie :)

NBTS: Chapter 2

Time seemed to slow down as Beomgyu looked on at the scene before his eyes. Was this a fever dream? Taehyun didn’t ditch him to go get coffee with someone he had just met, right? All these thoughts swirled around his head but there was no denying what his own two eyes were seeing. 

Beomgyu didn’t know how he managed to, but his feet were moving on their own will towards the two boys, almost as if his body went into auto pilot. His mind was racing, and his lungs felt suffocated, like there was less and less air coming in. 

“Taehyun-ah!” 

Their laughter stopped and they turned in the direction of the voice. 

“Hyung?” Taehyun said, eyebrows knitting together in confusion. 

But now that he had their attention, he was at a loss on what to say. Why did you ditch me? Why did you leave me hanging for someone you just met? Beomgyu knew he was being unreasonable; surely Taehyun would have let him know beforehand had he just been able to use his phone. But his judgement was clouded and despite his mind telling him not to do it, his mouth had other plans. 

“Can I talk to you in private?” he said coldly, not even bothering to acknowledge Kai who seemed like an innocent deer caught in headlights. 

Taehyun looked at him, unsure what to do. Beomgyu had lost his patience at this point and turned to walk towards an empty spot, hoping that he would get the message and follow him. 

“What’s up hyung?” Taehyun said, looking uneasy- he wasn’t used to Beomgyu’s cold tone.

“What’s wrong? How could you leave me to sit alone in the café?” 

“Huh? You were… waiting for me there?” 

“Yes, like I do every day. Why would today be any different?” 

“Hyung… I texted-“ Taehyun started, but before he could continue, the school bell rang out loud disrupting him. 

Beomgyu sighed. He really wasn’t in the mood for an argument so early on in the morning; partly because deep down he knew that there would be a good explanation if he hadn’t let his temper get the best of him.

“Save it. I’ve got to get to class.” 

Beomgyu started to turn away when he realised something. 

“Here’s your coffee. But I guess it’s useless now.” he said dejectedly, thrusting the cold cup into the younger boy’s hands before walking away. 

He walked up the stairs and to the classroom. His hand was on door handle, but he couldn’t bring himself to walk in, his mind racing through all the possible scenarios that could have just taken place. He knew there must have been a misunderstanding; that Taehyun wouldn’t have done something that cruel to him, as well as the fact that he was also partly to blame because of his dead phone. But what’s done is done, he couldn’t take back his actions. So he opted to just shut his brain up for the time being and went inside.

Thankfully, the teacher wasn’t there yet and he quickly spotted Soobin who was gesturing him over cheerfully, but as he took a look at his approaching friend, his cold demeanour and annoyed expression, his smile turned into a frown. 

“Yikes, looks like somebody got up on the wrong side of the bed today.” Soobin observed. 

Beomgyu would have responded but he was scared that he might end up saying something wrong again. So instead, he flashed his friend a quick smile and sat down, getting out his books silently.

“Gyu? Hey what’s wrong?”

“Nothing hyung. I guess I’m just more tired than usual today.” 

“I don’t know how many times I have to tell you this, but you’re a terrible liar. If you ever thought about being a criminal… I’m sorry but I have to crush your dreams.” 

Beomgyu rolled his eyes. 

“Hyung, I really am fine. Don’t worry about me and focus on biology.”

“Wow biology? That’s a low blow and also a cheap way of trying to change the subject,” Soobin remarked, “the only time you’re this moody is when you don’t get your morning coffee or when you and Taehyun are fighting, so…which one is it?”

“Just drop it. I said don’t worry about me.” He replied, not even lifting his eyes to look at his eyes.

“Oooo, bitchy Gyu confirmed so it’s definitely Taehyun. Another lover’s quarrel I’m guessing.” 

“He ditched me this morning to get coffee with HeuningKai instead.” Beomgyu suddenly blurted out, knowing Soobin would be relentless in his questioning.

Soobin was quiet by his side for a second making Beomgyu look at him questioningly, before he burst into laughter. 

“That’s why you’re moody? Because he got coffee with someone else?”

“I was waiting for him in the café! All alone might I add.” 

“He didn’t let you know?” 

“Well…” 

“And here it comes,” Soobin started, rolling his eyes, “what did you do?”

“Ok, he might have texted me but my phone died last night and I forgot to charge it and then I forgot the charger at home…” Beomgyu said sheepishly, his cheeks flushing a bright pink as he explained the situation to his friend; now that he had heard himself out loud the realisation dawned on him of just how much he had overreacted. 

“Do you even want me to say anything or is your brain smart enough to figure it out?”

“I’m already beating myself up over it hyung, please take it easy on me just this once?”

“Fine, I will.” Soobin replied, suddenly donning a playful grin, “But, I will point out that I said lover’s quarrel and you didn’t object…”

Beomgyu grimaced, at a loss for words because his mind was swirling with thoughts on how to fix things with Taehyun. He was saved however, when the teacher burst through the door, clearly out of breath and with sheets stacked under his arm. It was clear that he had been running late too; Beomgyu found a simple comfort in the fact that he wasn’t the only one having a rough start to their day. 

“Sorry hyung, class is starting. Let’s not distract each other so we can graduate!”

“Ya, Beomgyu-ah!”

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

If there was one thing Beomgyu enjoyed about school, it was the fact that as soon as he became a senior, he had free periods. He relished his free time, opting to spend most of it in the tiny guitar room instead of the study area, where the atmosphere was almost always tense due to the stress radiating off everyone. Today was no different.

After his last class before lunch, he headed straight to the room instead of heading to lunch with everybody, still afraid to show his face to Taehyun and Kai after the unnecessary confrontation earlier. He was still clueless on how he was to go about apologising to them in the first place, so like most of his problems, he chose to hide away and just pretend it wasn’t there. 

He opened the door, and immediately a sense of peace washed over him. This was his place. The one area where he could just lose himself in the music and reality would slip from his thoughts, even if for just a while. 

He pulled back the curtains, allowing the sunshine to seep through the blinds. He dropped his bags and picked up the guitar from its stand. The familiar feeling of the strings on his fingers, slowly washing away all his troubles. 

He was humming along to a tune, and before he knew it his fingers started playing a familiar tune, one of the very first songs he played for Taehyun before. He thought back to that day, the first day Taehyun had let his guard down around him and shown his complete vulnerability that he hid behind his strong façade. 

~ FLASHBACK ~ 

Beomgyu had been going over a piece that him and Taehyun had been learning over the past week- he had to admit, this kid was a fast learner. Every now and then, he would stop him to correct his finger placements, but nevertheless he was getting better and better every week. 

One thing Beomgyu noticed however, is that this week he had yet another bruise on his arms, mostly covered by his sleeves; If he hadn’t had such a keen eye, he would have missed it. He had noticed it for the past month but had been too afraid to say anything, worried that it might be overstepping their professional relationship, considering that he was merely someone teaching Taehyun how to play a guitar and not exactly a friend. 

He wanted to ignore it, he wanted to keep his mouth shut and not make the younger boy uncomfortable. But something in his heart was twisting itself, making him squirm in discomfort. Beomgyu was genuinely worried for him; Taehyun was such a sweet and friendly person, the thought of someone hurting him made Beomgyu feel sick. Who would want to hurt such a kind soul? 

“Taehyun ah?” Beomgyu started, reluctantly. 

“Hmm?” Taehyun replied, looking up from adjusting his fingers on the instrument. 

“Are you…ok?”

Taehyun’s brows furrowed in confusion.

“What do you mean?”

“Is there someone at school bothering you?” 

“No? I’m perfectly fine. Why did you hear something?” 

“No nothing like that, it’s just that… I’ve been seeing bruises on your arms and just thought maybe someone was bothering you.” 

Taehyun’s eyes widened in realisation for a quick second before he donned a neutral expression. 

“Oh that,” Taehyun said, laughing awkwardly, “I’m just really clumsy hyung. It’s nothing to worry about.” 

He quickly pulled down his sleeves, avoiding Beomgyu’s piercing gaze. When he did look up however, he looked flustered and blush was creeping up his neck up to his cheeks. Beomgyu could tell he was lying, but worried that he had pushed a boundary, he decided to just agree. 

“Ok, be more careful next time I guess. But Taehyun-ah, if you ever need anything I’m here for you, so don’t be afraid to approach me ok?”

“Thank you hyung. I appreciate that.” Taehyun replied, flashing him a small smile. 

After that, Beomgyu hadn’t meant to bring it up again. He doubted the explanation that Taehyun had given him but seeing how the topic was clearly uncomfortable to him he didn’t want to push it. 

However, that all went out the door when he saw him the next week and he had bruises on his arms as well as marks on his neck. He blood felt ice cold in his veins as he took in the sight of the younger boy. 

“Ok hyung, I’ve practicing the chords from last week and I think I’ve gotten better.” Taehyun said cheerfully, as he turned around and held the guitar in his hands.

Beomgyu wanted to return his cheerfulness. He wanted to pretend everything was ok and just get on with the lesson; he was just his guitar teacher after all, he knew nothing about his personal life. But in his heart, he knew it would be wrong. 

“Who hurt you?” Beomgyu said, his tone giving away his seriousness.

The smile and cheerfulness on Taehyun’s face disappeared; instead he just looked shocked.

“What?” 

“Taehyun-ah, I’m not blind. I can see more bruises on your arms and now there’s marks on your neck. Who did this to you?” 

“Hyung I told you I’m just really clumsy, I just-“

“Stop. I know I’m not your friend, but I genuinely care about you. So, I’m going to ask you again. Who hurt you?” 

Beomgyu expected Taehyun to get angry at him, he expected him to rebut his questions and tell him to mind his business. His reaction, however, took Beomgyu by surprise. 

The younger boy immediately burst into tears. Beomgyu froze for a second, unsure of what to do, before his brain started functioning and he walked over to the younger and wrapped his arms around the younger boy’s small frame. 

“I’m- I’m so- sorry for- for crying.” Taehyun said in between gasps of breath as he continued to cry, his tears soaking Beomgyu’s shirt.

“Shh, it’s ok. Let it all out.” He reassured him, rubbing his back gently to try and calm him down. 

A few minutes later, Taehyun had managed to calm down and his tears had stopped falling. He was sitting on his stool, quietly fiddling with his fingers and not looking up. Beomgyu knew he was embarrassed about crying in front of the older, but he was just worried. Ever since he had met Taehyun, the boy always had this strong aura about him, as if nothing could ever pierce his unbothered attitude. But seeing him in this vulnerable state, he realised that he just put on a mask in front of others. 

“You don’t have to be embarrassed about crying in front of me. I’m not that type of person; everyone goes through something so it’s nothing to be ashamed of.” Beomgyu said, breaking the silence. 

He eyed Taehyun, who sighed softly before finally lifting his eyes to look at him. 

“I really am sorry for crying. I don’t know why I just broke down; it was a simple question…” he said, trailing off and breaking eye contact with Beomgyu to look at his fingers again. 

“Taehyun, you don’t have to sorry. I’m being serious. I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t worried about you. Do you mind me asking what happened?”  
He didn’t respond for a while, so Beomgyu had thought that was a signal for him to drop it, opting to just comfort him silently. 

“Ever since I was younger, I’ve always thought that I was lucky for having the parents I did. So many kids my age used to come from divorced families, having to spend weekends at a parents house and the rest at the other’s.” Taehyun started. 

“I looked up to my dad. He always brought home flowers to my mum, they always kissed goodbye and hello to each other, and my mom was always smiling when he was around. I could tell they really loved each other. I was a naïve little kid.” 

“I grew up thinking that. I was always closer to my dad more than my mom; he would take me to work with him sometimes and I would sit in the office colouring at his desk while he sat and worked on his computer. On his days off, he would take me and my mom out for lunch and we’d watch movies or walk in the park. I looked up to him, he was my hero.”

“Have you ever heard of the saying, never meet your hero’s because they will just end up disappointing you?” Taehyun asked, looking Beomgyu in the eyes. 

Beomgyu shook his head silently, taking in everything he was saying to him. A pool of dread was building up his stomach. 

“Well, I’m here to tell you that it’s true. As I grew up, I saw his true colours; He was no hero. He was just another adult who didn’t know what they were doing and instead of asking for help, he turned to the ones he loved and lashed out at them. Except, my mom protected me from him.”

“My dad started spending less and less time with us; he would work longer hours at the office, or he would skip dinner with us and go to the bar with his friends. On those nights, my mom would tell me to go to bed early because my dad would be home late and there was no use in staying up to say goodnight. I thought nothing of it, so I just followed what she said.”

“It wasn’t until last year that I found out why she did that. It was to protect me while she took the full blow of his rage.” Taehyun laughed bitterly. “All along, I was looking at the wrong person as my hero.”

“One night, I went to bed early but I woke up in the middle of the night after hearing loud bangs followed by a scream. I jumped out of bed, thinking that someone had broken in and my parents were in danger. I grabbed the first thing on my desk and made my way to their room to check. And I saw…” he took a deep sigh and paused, biting his lip. 

Beomgyu knew what was coming, he knew what Taehyun was preparing himself to say. But it didn’t make his next words hurt any less.

“I pushed open the door and I saw my dad standing there, his arms wrapped around my mom’s neck as he held her harshly against a wall. Her lips were bleeding and she was holding one of her eyes. I was frozen in my tracks. It was hard for my brain to process the image in front of me, almost as if it didn’t want to.”

“When my instincts finally kicked in, I ran to him and tried to pull him off my mom. He was much taller than me however, so he hardly noticed me. It wasn’t until I started tugging his arms and pleading with him to let her go that he finally noticed me. I’ll never forget the look he gave me, how his eyes looked.” 

“He aggressively pushed me off his arms, making me land on the floor. My mother cried out, running to my side to defend me. He stood there looking at us like we were dirt; like he didn’t know who we were, like we weren’t the family that he had. My mother quickly dragged me up, and took me to my room, locking the door. She stayed quiet.” 

“We didn’t say anything to each other, both of us in shock. That night I didn’t sleep. My father kept banging on the door telling us to come out, but we just sat there in the room, no words coming out. He eventually stopped after a few hours and my mom fell asleep on my bed. But I couldn’t. My mind was racing and my heart felt like it was ripping into pieces. How could the same man who vowed to love and protect us be the same one who laid his hands on us? I felt sick to my stomach.” 

“The next day, my mom walked out of my room as if nothing had happened and got ready for work. I saw how she picked the most modest clothes she could and how she piled on her makeup around her eyes. I was enraged. And of course, my dad was nowhere to be seen. I confronted her and she told me it was mistake; but I could tell it wasn’t the first time.” 

“I kept asking her over and over the next few days, avoiding my dad at all costs. She just kept saying that he didn’t mean it; that it was all a mistake. But then it continued to happen and I couldn’t stop it. I wanted to go to the police, but she pleaded with me, she got on her knees and begged for me not to ruin our family. She told me she loved my dad no matter what, that mistakes are part of a marriage. I couldn’t believe her. I begged her to divorce him in return, but it fell on deaf ears. So here I am every week, useless and defenceless in protecting her because she chooses to stay and take care of the same man who looks at her as if she is nothing but an insect to him.” 

Beomgyu was speechless. He didn’t know how to comfort him; he had never been in this position before. Sure, his parents were almost always absent in his life, but they had never done anything this extreme. His heart broke for the younger boy, a pure and kind soul who deserved nothing but happiness. He was too young to be experiencing this cruelty in his world; but here he was having to grow up quickly and abandon his youth. 

From that day on, Beomgyu vowed to protect Taehyun at all costs. 

~ END OF FLASHBACK ~

Beomgyu winced at the memory. He couldn’t forget how small Taehyun looked that day, how his happy mask slowly disappeared, and he saw the young and scared little boy who was helpless. 

After that Beomgyu had opened his house to him, allowing him to come over any day and spend the night, or even spend the weekends with him just to escape his reality even for just a while. Beomgyu knew what it was like to want your own safe space, and so he made it his job to make his home that for Taehyun. 

He wanted to protect him from everything else that could hurt him. Taehyun was well known within their school, his friendly attitude making it easy for anyone to become friends with him. But he always had this wall up; he wore his mask in front of everyone so that nobody could get in. Beomgyu knew it was because he was scared of getting close to anyone and them letting him down, the same way that his dad had let him down. 

A sudden realisation dawned on Beomgyu. 

He was being selfish. Here Taehyun was, opening up his heart and spending time with Kai who genuinely wanted to be his friend. He would leave the next year anyway, and Taehyun would be by himself; he couldn’t protect him then, so it would be good if he had at least a friend that stuck by him. The guilt building up in Beomgyu’s stomach was making him feel nauseous. What had he been so possessive for? 

He had the urge to go straight to the lunch hall and look for his friend and apologise profusely. He stood up and put the guitar back on its stand getting ready to leave when he heard a knock. He turned to the door and there was Taehyun, standing sheepishly holding a bag of food. 

He waved for him to come in. 

“Hyung? Can I talk to you please?” 

“Taehyun let me-“ 

“No please hyung, let me start. Soobin-hyung told me about your phone being dead and you waiting in the café by yourself. I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have ditched you. I should have-“ 

Beomgyu silently cursed Soobin for giving him away.

“Taehyun stop. You have nothing to be sorry for, it’s my fault in the first place. I should have charged my phone and I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions. Plus, you have every right to spend time with other friends.” 

They both looked at each other awkwardly. A minute passed and they both started laughing. 

“This is stupid. I don’t want to be fighting with you hyung.” 

“I know,” Beomgyu started, eyeing the bag in his hand, “but if you tell me that you brought food for me then I’m willing to forget about everything.” 

“Of course it’s food, I got you your favourite snacks as an apology and also a as a peace offering.” Taehyun replied, handing him the bag while rolling his eyes. 

“Then consider it accepted.” Beomgyu said, readily taking the bag and grabbing the first snack. Maybe skipping lunch wasn’t the best idea. 

“Do you mind?” Taehyun asked, pointing at the guitar. 

“Not at all, go ahead and show me what you’ve learned my disciple.” 

Taehyun rolled his eyes before grabbing the guitar, settling himself on a stool by the window while Beomgyu took a seat in front of him, happily munching on a sandwich. 

Taehyun’s fingers started playing a little tune, one that Beomgyu knew by heart, because it was the same one that he had been playing when he arrived. He looked contently at the younger boy in front of him as he started to hum along with the music.  
In that moment, the sunlight shined through the windows once more, illuminating Taehyun in an almost angelic way. His brown hair was looked like honey and his eyes shined brightly, as he smiled softly at Beomgyu while continuing to play. 

And in that moment, Beomgyu had another realisation. Soobin was right; he was in love with his best friend.


	3. Chapter 3

One week. It had been one whole week since that day in the music room. You’d think at this point Beomgyu would have calmed down and had a game plan, right? Well, you would be wrong.

Beomgyu was sat on his bed, on a Saturday morning contemplating on how he had ended up in this situation. He had vehemently denied any feelings for Taehyun for months, but now that he had suddenly admitted his feelings to himself, it seemed like a dam had broken and all his suppressed feelings had come spilling out leaving Beomgyu to drown in them. 

One thing making it slightly easier for him was the fact that things had (almost) gone back to normal. After the misunderstanding with Taehyun and Kai about the café, Beomgyu had sincerely apologised to them, especially Kai who had looked scared when he first saw Beomgyu approaching him. He felt guilty; he hadn’t meant to drag Kai into his anger towards Taehyun, especially when he was just adjusting to a new city. 

However, the younger boy was eager to accept his apology, understanding that Beomgyu had his reasons and it was all a misunderstanding; he was surprised at how easily Kai had reverted back into his cheerful self, making him feel even worse because how could he have been angry towards such an innocent soul? 

He quickly offered to take the duo to dinner, which was readily accepted and so the three went out. Beomgyu had also tried to drag Soobin along, wanting to act as a wingman seeing as Kai was there, but the older boy had just laughed at his invitation, opting to go home and nap instead. 

Despite the wall Taehyun usually put up around others, after spending a few hours with Kai at dinner, he quickly understood why his best friend had accepted the younger boy with open arms. Kai always seemed to have this happy and positive aura about him; almost like he was a walking ball of sunshine. Beomgyu couldn’t help but feel the need to protect him, the same way that he protected Taehyun because he never wanted him to lose his childlike innocence in a world where it was easy to become corrupted with negativity. 

Beomgyu was thankful that Kai was there to make the atmosphere feel light-hearted because he felt anything but relaxed. He had spent so much time with Taehyun, the two of them even spending weekends together alone binge-watching shows, but now that he had realised his feelings towards him, he felt like a little kid with his first crush. 

He had been on dates before of course; but this was different. This was the first time that he had actually really liked someone, and that someone took up a significant chunk of his daily life. 

During dinner, he had tried to keep his head clear and tell himself that the boy in front of him was merely his best friend so there was no need to be nervous. But try as he might, he couldn’t stop looking at him and notice the little details he had never really paid attention to before. Like the way he would flash a dimpled smile whenever he found something amusing or how he had a habit of twiddling his fingers whenever he was reading something. 

Taehyun’s little mannerisms weren’t new. Beomgyu had just started to pay more attention to him and found them more endearing. He kept glancing at him the whole time they were eating, easily getting flustered when their eyes would meet. Usually, Beomgyu was shameless in eating in front of him but this time he was more aware of his actions, taking smaller bites and not talking when his mouth was full. 

He lay back in his bed and groaned. What was he going to do? It wasn’t like he could avoid Taehyun when they spent so much time together, and if he did the younger boy would get suspicious and ask questions, questions to which Beomgyu couldn’t answer. 

He didn’t know whether to confess or not. This was Taehyun after all, it wasn’t just some random crush; this was his best friend. The person who knew his ins and outs the way nobody else did. They had spent far too many nights together on the roof of Beomgyu’s house, looking at the stars and sharing secrets with each other that they wouldn’t dare share with anyone else. 

The thought of potentially losing him, over some crush that he would probably outgrow hurt his heart. He couldn’t stand it, not when he thought of Taehyun as his only family due to the absence of his parents in his life. 

Beomgyu desperately wanted to turn to Soobin for help, just so that the weight of the thoughts in his mind could be eased. But he knew that Soobin would just endlessly tease him, and despite his good intentions, it would only serve to stress Beomgyu out more. 

It was times like these he wished that he had reliable parents that he could talk to. Sure, they made sure he had everything he needed to live a comfortable life and he was grateful, but material things never did make up for the lack of an emotional connection. He had been over to Soobin’s house for dinner multiple times, and he couldn’t help but envy the bond their family had. 

Knowing that his thoughts would just make things worse for him, he knew he had to get out of the house. He quickly put the first pair of shoes that caught his eye and left. He didn’t have a location in mind, he just let his feet take him wherever they went and soon enough, he found himself outside of the music store. 

He entered the door, the same bell ringing alerting whoever was inside of his presence; this time it was Yoongi. He saw him peek from the bottom of the cashier desk and as soon as he saw that it was Beomgyu, he stood up and donned a welcoming smile. 

“Beomgyu-ah! It’s been a while.” He exclaimed, his gummy smile present. 

“Yoongi-hyung, hello. I didn’t know you worked here on the weekends.” Beomgyu replied. 

“I don’t but I had to cover Taehyung’s shift today because he had something to do. You know him, everything’s a secret so he just got me to agree then left without another word.” 

Beomgyu nodded in acknowledgement of what Yoongi said, not really knowing why he ended up here. 

“Anyways, what brings you here? It’s Saturday, should you not be hanging out with your friends instead of coming to visit your hyung?” Yoongi teased. 

“You make it sound as if that’s a bad thing; maybe I just missed you hyung.” 

“Aish, don’t get all soppy on me now. I never thought you were the type.”

Beomgyu laughed at his remark. They talked for a while, catching up on things that had been going on in their lives since the last time they spoke. Yoongi had been working long and hard hours at his studio, producing music for different artists, and Beomgyu couldn’t help but gleam with pride; his hyung was exceptionally talented and he knew he deserved everything he was getting. 

“Enough about me. You’ve been on edge this entire time, what’s on your mind?” Yoongi said, looking pointedly at Beomgyu.

“What? Have I really?” Beomgyu asked, confused. He thought he had been doing a good job of directing his thoughts about Taehyun elsewhere but apparently not. 

“Yes. You keep playing with your fingers and looking at the distance. Is there something you want to talk about?” 

Beomgyu hesitated. He did trust his Yoongi-hyung. But if he shared this piece of information now, then it would be out in the open; he would be openly admitting his feelings and he couldn’t take it back. But still, anything was better than walking around with such a heavy burden on his back. 

“I think… I think I’m in love with someone.” Beomgyu started shyly, keeping his eyes on the ground. 

“With Taehyun right?” Yoongi asked knowingly. 

Beomgyu let out a huff. 

“Was it really that obvious to everyone else except me?” he replied. 

“It’s not a bad thing that you realised by yourself you know; it just means that you came to that conclusion on your own, not because you felt pressured to by everyone.” 

“I get that but… is it really love hyung? I mean, I do love Taehyun, but it’s always just been as a friend you know. What if I’m just confusing my feelings and then I end up making a fool out of myself?” 

“Beomgyu-ah, no one can answer that but yourself.” 

“I know, hyung. I’m just terrified. I’ve liked some people before and had crushes but… this one is different. Hyun is my best friend, he’s like my other half; we were with each other through the rough times and we’ve made it through because we had each other. But this, if things ever went wrong, I would lose the one person I look for during my hard times, the only light in my darkness.” Beomgyu said, his feelings just spilling out of his mouth. 

“I understand where you’re coming from, I really do. But can I let you in a little something from experience?” Yoongi asked, looking to Beomgyu for approval, who nodded in response.

“Friendships come and go, and the endings are always painful, but you shouldn’t hold your heart back from what it wants because of fear. You’ll always regret it. A friendship can always be repaired if you want it enough… but a heart filled with what ifs? That will haunt you forever.” 

Beomgyu looked at his hyung. Yoongi looked wistful, almost as if he was lost in his own thoughts as well, but Beomgyu had a gut feeling. 

“Hyung?” Beomgyu started, waiting for the older boy to look at him, “You went through the same thing, didn’t you?”

Yoongi was silent beside him. 

“Am I that easy to read as well?” he chuckled.

“No, but the way you talked about it. I would be naïve if I didn’t realise you were talking to yourself.” 

“I try to live with no regrets but this chapter in my life… I’ve never wanted to ability to rewrite my life more than I have at that point.” 

“Hyung, do you mind me asking what happened?” 

Yoongi fell silent for a moment; Beomgyu was scared that he had accidentally crossed a line and was about to apologise when he heard him speaking softly. 

“I guess I should tell you what happened, just because I made a mistake doesn’t mean you should be burdened with it too; maybe by telling you I can stop history repeating itself. It’s too late for me now, but if I can help you then I’ll be satisfied.” Yoongi said. 

Beomgyu gulped. His hyung was naturally a quiet and laidback guy, but to see him this serious and visibly upset, damn he must have gone through something. 

“Like you, I fell in love with my best friend too. It took me a while to realise because I only saw them as that; my friend. But slowly, things just made sense when I was with them, and I couldn’t get enough of their presence. Then one day it just clicked in my head.” 

“I was terrified of confessing; I was never really the type to go on dates anyway, so making the first move wasn’t in my vocabulary. I wanted to so desperately; I had pined over them for three long years, and my heart was getting restless. But then I made the mistake of letting fear rule my mind.” 

“So, instead of going after my heart’s desires, I lay back in the shadows choosing to admire from afar. Then one day, one of their close friend’s confessed. They told me that like me, they had been pining over them for so long and decided to just go for it.” 

“I was shattered. My mind racing through the what ifs; I held onto the tiny bit of hope that maybe he wouldn’t feel the same for the sake of my sanity. And you know what they said? That they didn’t see their friend in that way, but what was the harm in trying.” Yoongi laughed humourlessly, “That could’ve been me if I had just swallowed my fear. And so, I had to stand back and watch someone else live the reality I wanted.” 

“I wanted them to be happy, because they say when you love someone you just want them to be happy. But was it selfish of me to want a happy ending too? Probably, since I dug myself into this hole. It hurt to see them be so happy with someone else that I started to hold resentment in my heart.”

Yoongi paused for moment and Beomgyu took in his words, starting to feel pity for his hyung. 

“I decided that I would just be happy for them from a distance. Having to watch it unfold before your eyes is a different type of hurt, so I distanced myself. And now, we barely talk; Almost as if all those years of friendship were nothing of significance.” 

“I heard they got engaged last week. I mean, I am happy for them I truly am, but my mind can’t help but wander… what if I had just confessed? What if I had just mustered enough courage to take action, would I be the one they were engaged to?” Yoongi said softly, eyes downcast. 

Beomgyu didn’t know how to comfort his hyung; hearing his story was like a slap to his face. He didn’t want to live with the what ifs in his heart, but what if Taehyun and him were destined to be nothing more than friends? 

“Beomgyu-ah, I know it’s scary to confess your feelings to someone. But please, don’t let fear rule your heart because it’s nothing but destructive. You’ll lose yourself trying to find answers that you can’t have.” 

“I know hyung, I get it now hearing your story. But…” Beomgyu starts, trailing off.

“But?” 

“But what if… what if I just fuck everything up? What if me and Taehyun are just supposed to be friends? What if I force it and then we end up trapped in an unhappy relationship?” 

The realisation dawns on Yoongi’s face at Beomgyu’s questions. 

“Beomgyu-ah… please don’t look at your parent’s marriage and conclude that all love is doomed. That’s not how it works.” 

“But hyung, that’s the thing. I don’t know how love is supposed to be. My life growing up, all I saw was my parent’s dysfunctional marriage. They weren’t as bad this before but… but after my dad had an affair, it just broke down completely. And yet they still stay, they act like nothing’s wrong and everything’s fine, but I know there’s no love left behind to nurture anymore. It’s like watering a dead plant, completely futile.”

“That’s what I’m scared of too hyung. I don’t want to put my all into someone, end up in a long-term relationship just for it to result into nothing. I don’t want to give my heart and end up losing myself because I’m too scared of walking away.” 

Yoongi was silent, looking like he was pondering over Beomgyu’s words. Beomgyu was lost in thought too, a burden off his shoulders but his mind still lacking clarity on what to do.

“Beomgyu-ah, just because your parents raised you that doesn’t mean you are who they are. If that was true, I’d be an alcoholic struggling to keep a job just like my father; but I’m not, I’m producing music and following my dreams because that’s what I want.”

“You have the power to write your own life; you are simultaneously the author and main character, so you decide how the chapters go. No one else gets to decide anything but you. It’s both a blessing and a curse but take advantage of it. It’s your superpower in this world.” 

Beomgyu smiled at his Yoongi-hyung. He wasn’t that much older than him, but his wisdom and his words never failed to provide a sense of comfort to Beomgyu. He was wise beyond his years. 

“Now go home; it’s a Saturday, I’m sure you have better things to do than hang around with me in the music shop.” Yoongi encouraged. 

“Hyung, I actually don’t,” Beomgyu said sheepishly, “Do you mind if I hang out with here for a couple of hours? I can help around the shop and tidy.” 

Yoongi just flashed his gummy smile at Beomgyu and led him to the storeroom in the back.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------————

By the time Beomgyu finished sorting out the music shop’s storeroom, it was already late in the evening. Yoongi practically forced him to stop working, feeling bad that he had been stuck there for a couple of hours but Beomgyu reassured him that it was a welcome distraction. 

When he stepped foot inside, the lights were surprisingly on. He peeked through the glass door of the living room and saw his parents were cuddled up on the couch watching a tv. He smiled softly and not wanting to disturb such a rare moment, he tiptoed upstairs. He had barely eaten all day, but his stomach was in knots anyway so food would be useless. 

He turned on the lamp near his bed and got changed into comfortable clothes, sitting at his desk. He replayed the earlier conversation with Yoongi over and over in his head until he got a headache. 

He was still scared of getting rejected and losing his friendship; but now there was a tiny voice in his head. A heart filled with what ifs? That will haunt your forever. 

And so, Beomgyu mustered all the courage he could and turned on his phone. I’m doing it, fear be damned. 

Beomgyu:  
Hyun, are you busy?

Taehyun:  
Hey hyung, I'm free at the moment. What's up?

Beomgyu:  
Can you come over?  
I just want to talk.

Taehyun:  
Of course! i'll grab some snacks and then be on my way.  
We can have a movie night :)

Beomgyu:  
Yeah great, see you!

Ok. Ok he’s done it, he’s coming over. Wasn’t he supposed to feel relieved? Yet he just felt his heart drop to his stomach. How was he even supposed to go about this? 

He paced around his room, going over different scenarios over and over again. He was terrified; he silently cursed himself for making such an impulse decision, but that tiny voice in his head was comforting him, remembering Yoongi’s words, that he had the power to write his own chapters. Unfortunately for him, Taehyun was also the author of his life and so he could throw in a plot twist whenever he wanted. 

Beomgyu groaned, his courage was starting to falter and he was just about to text Taehyun to head home because he was feeling sick, but then he head the doorbell ring. Shit. 

Before he could get the door, he heard his mum welcoming Taehyun in. He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm his racing heart and brace himself for what he was about to do. He heard the knock on his door. Beomgyu, fighting!

“Come in!” He called out. 

The door swung open gently, revealing Taehyun wearing light blue jeans and an oversized lilac sweater, smiling sweetly at him as he held the bag of snacks. 

“Hey hyung! Your mom didn’t know you were in by the way, I had to tell her.” 

“Yeah, I just got back from helping Yoongi-hyung at the music shop.” 

“Ah, Yoongi-hyung. How is he? You should’ve told me you were heading there, I would’ve tagged along.” 

Oh Taehyun. If only you knew. 

They made themselves comfortable on the tiny couch in the corner of Beomgyu’s room and settled on watching an action movie. Taehyun, completely oblivious, was happily watching the movie, sitting cross legged eating away at the snacks. Beomgyu on the other hand, felt like he was about to collapse from nervousness. He could barely focus on the movie, spending the whole time fidgeting with his fingers and or playing the blanket on his lap. 

He had to take a breather. 

“Taehyun-ah, I’m just going to the bathroom.” He said, standing up. 

“Ok hyung, do you want me to pause it?” 

“it’s fine, just keep watching I won’t take long.” 

He quickly left and went to the bathroom next to his room. He locked the door and stared at himself in the mirror. He could practically see the fear in his eyes and the sweat on his forehead; his hands felt clammy and his heart was still racing. He quickly turned on the tap and splashed cold water in his face to cool him down. 

You are simultaneously the author and main character, so you decide how the chapters go. 

Yoongi was right. Beomgyu was never going to achieve anything if he just stood in the bathroom feeling sorry for himself. It was better to have answers than wonder for the rest of his life, right? He took a deep breath and walked back into his room. 

Taehyun was still fixated on the tv, eyes fully engaged on what was happening in the movie and his mouth agape, a habit of his when he was watching something intently. 

“Hyunnie? Can we talk?” Beomgyu asked, not able to look at him directly. 

Taehyun’s attention switched from the tv to Beomgyu. 

“Yes hyung, you said earlier. What’s wrong?” 

Beomgyu gulped. Now or never. 

“I have something to tell you.” 

“What is it? Hyung, you’re making me nervous, is everything ok?” Taehyun asked, a look of worry plastered on his face as he turned his body to face him. 

“I’m fine! It’s nothing like that. It’s just that um… well… I…” Beomgyu trailed off, getting frustrated at himself for not being able to spit the words out. 

“You’ve never been this nervous around me hyung,” Taehyun chuckled, “Come on, it’s not like you’re going to tell me you’re in love with me.” 

Beomgyu winced at his words. If he was lucky, Taehyun had missed his reaction. But of course, his observant eyes never missed anything. 

There was an awkward silence. 

“Oh…” Taehyun started, now looking at the ground. The movie was still playing in the background but the silence between the pair was defeaning. 

Beomgyu sighed; this wasn’t how it was supposed to go. 

“Taehyun-ah… I know your mind is probably racing with all these thoughts, but please hear me out.” 

“Since when hyung?” the younger boy asked. Beomgyu was taken aback, not expecting him to ask that. 

“Just recently. I don’t know, it sounds stupid because we’ve been friends for ages now but… I just realised it one day so… yeah.” 

Taehyun remained quiet for a long time. Too long in Beomgyu’s opinion. He knew it was a bad idea to confess; he could already feel Taehyun starting to pull back from him. He was just about to laugh it off and say it was all a joke, when Taehyun spoke. 

“Let’s give it a shot then.” 

Beomgyu’s eyes widened in surprise. 

Well that was a plot twist.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little drabble on Taegyu's first date :) as always, feel free to comment below or reach me @choiseokjinie on twitter!

Beomgyu tugged nervously on the collar of his shirt. Today was his first date with Taehyun and he was one more breakdown away from cancelling it due to fear. 

It’s just Taehyun, nothing to freak out about. 

Yeah right. 

He was still in disbelief that this was actually happening; Taehyun had actually taken his confession well, something that he could never have seen coming, considering his feelings had popped out of nowhere with no warning. 

Yet, he was thankful that for once he had convinced his stubborn brain to not give in to fear and follow Yoongi’s advice. Maybe his hyung was right after all; by sharing his story, he might’ve prevented history repeating itself, and Beomgyu from a broken heart. 

He glanced at the clock. It read half past two, thirty minutes before they were supposed to meet at the arcade. He had wanted to pick Taehyun up from his house so they could go there together, but the younger boy had insisted on meeting there, wanting to ease the tension and the dread of it being their first date, and in a way Beomgyu was glad. 

He had no idea what the hell he was doing; whenever he dated someone in the past, he was always the one being pursued not pursuing them. Making the first move was not in his vocabulary- at least not until Taehyun came in. 

Beomgyu headed downstairs. He wanted to leave early and get there before Taehyun. As he walked to the front door, he noticed his mom sitting on the couch watching tv. 

“Beomgyu-ah!” she called out. 

Beomgyu stopped in his tracks and walked towards her. 

“Hi, I didn’t know you were off work today.” 

“What do you say we spend the day together? We could grab lunch and walk around the city. It feels like forever since I talked to you.” 

Maybe if you weren’t always so work oriented and actually realised you had a son, we could have conversations, Beomgyu wanted to say. But he bit his tongue; there were better things to spend his time and energy on today. 

“I’m sorry, I’m busy today. Maybe next time.” He replied. 

Busy trying not to look in his mother’s eyes, he failed the see the flash of disappointment that left her features just as quickly as it had appeared. 

“That’s ok, there’s always next time. Take care today.”   
“I will.” Beomgyu said, giving her a quick hug and leaving. 

As he walked to the bus stop, he wondered why his mom had suddenly suggested spending time together. In all eighteen years of his life, he couldn’t remember the last time she had wanted to spend time with him, outside of the ones she felt obliged to. 

Growing up, Beomgyu had always taken part in talent shows and school plays just like his other friends. The only contrast was that while his other friends always had their parents’ wave and cheer them on from the audience, Beomgyu was always that kid waiting at the door for his parents to show up until the very last minute until his teachers would usher him on stage. 

At the start he used to have tears in his eyes as he asked his parents why they weren’t there to support him, to which he would receive a measly reply of ‘I was busy at work, sorry maybe next time’, but as he grew up and joined sports clubs, even starting a small band with his friends, he realised his parents weren’t that busy; they just weren’t that interested in their own child. 

Soon after, Beomgyu grew to not care, looking to his friends and their families’ who willingly gave him the support and emotional care that he craved from his parents but never received. And it was better that way. So why now, was his mom asking him to go for lunch. If he had laughed in her face, he doubted that he would have felt bad for her. 

After he stepped off the bus, he slowly made his way to the arcade. It wasn’t like this was the first time they had went there together; him and Taehyun practically spent their days there after school, competing with each other so that the loser would buy the other some food. 

Beomgyu had chosen this place because it was familiar, hoping that it would help make things go smoothly. Taehyun had agreed to giving them a shot; but it’s not like he had admitted his feelings as well, so Beomgyu still had his guard up, expecting the worst. 

Just as he was about to turn the corner to the arcade, a small florist shop caught his eye. He hesitated; would that be too much? But this was a date after all not just another one of their outings together. 

He moved closer, gazing at the range of flowers. He was at a loss; the topic of favourite flowers had never once been brought up between them. He tried to look at the smaller bunches, knowing that Taehyun would be embarrassed if he was to hold a massive bunch of flowers. 

“Hello, can I help you with anything sir?” 

Beomgyu looked up, meeting eyes with an old woman, wearing an apron that had the shop’s name written across it. Her greying hair was pulled back into a low bun, and despite the wrinkles on her face, the warm and welcoming smile on her face gave her a youthful glow. 

“Hello,” Beomgyu started, not knowing how to ask for help, “I’m going on a date soon and I was just looking for something small to give them…” 

“First date eh? I’ve got just the thing, follow me inside.” She replied, waving at him to follow her as she went inside the shop. 

Beomgyu followed her, glancing at his watch. Fifteen minutes left. The scent of fresh flowers hit his nose as soon as he stepped inside, helping to calm his nerves. It was well lit inside, rows of flowers in vases, plants hanging from the ceiling and different bunches sprawled out on their own decorative tables. 

He turned to the woman behind the counter, her back to him as she seemed to be wrapping something. When she finally turned to face him, she was holding a small bunch of purple flowers, smiling softly at him. 

“Purple lilacs. They represent the beginning of love or a first love; perfect for your first date.” She said. 

Beginning of love. Beomgyu liked the sound of that. He walked closer, taking the bunch of flowers that she was holding out to him. 

“Thank you for your help! I honestly had no idea what I was doing, I just saw the flowers and felt the urge to look closer.” He said shyly. “How much do I owe you?” 

The woman chuckled at him.

“This one’s on me.” She replied. 

“No please, let me pay you.” Beomgyu protested, reaching for his wallet in his back pocket. 

“Please, save your extra money for your date. It’s so rare to see people buying flowers for their dates anymore, usually they only buy them when it’s a special occasion.” She said, swatting at his arm. “I’ll be happy knowing that I helped someone on their first date. I hope you always buy them flowers; it’s such a simple gesture but it never goes unnoticed.” 

Beomgyu smiled brightly at her. He made a vow in his mind to follow her advice and stop by more often to visit the shop. He left the shop, thanking the woman again before heading to the arcade. 

The bright neon sign was hard to miss, and just seeing the familiar logo brought him comfort. He stood outside for a while, scrolling through his phone to pass the time. After a few minutes, he heard a small cough beside him. 

Taehyun was standing in front of him, looking flustered, cheeks turning as red as the jumper he was wearing. 

“Taehyun-ah!” Beomgyu greeted, quickly pocketing his phone.   
“Hey hyung.” Taehyun replied, smiling at him. 

Beomgyu was about to lead him in when he remembered what he was holding. 

“Uhm, I got these for you.” Beomgyu said, holding out the flowers. 

He was so nervous he could feel how fast his heart was beating in his chest at a rapid pace. Would Taehyun like them? Was it too over the top to get him some flowers? Was it too much too soon? He remembered the florist’s kind words to him, but it did nothing to calm his racing heart, beating so fast it felt like it would burst from his chest. 

Taehyun’s face was bright red, he was practically a tomato. Beomgyu hated tomatoes, but he had to admit, this one was pretty cute. The fact that Taehyun seemed to be just as nervous and on edge as him brought comfort; at least he wasn’t the only one internally suffering. 

Taehyun shyly reached out to take the flowers, mumbling a small ‘thank you’ and keeping his eyes peeled to the ground. 

This was weird; they had been friends for so long but now that they were dating, it felt like they were back on square one without the getting to know each other phase. Surely it should be easier, right? 

“Let’s go! I haven’t beat you in table hockey in a while.” Beomgyu teased, trying to break the awkward tension.

For the first time since they met up, Taehyun’s usual mischievous grin was back on his face. 

“It’s on hyung!”

——————————————————————————————————————

They got lost in all the games in the arcade, teasing and laughing with each other so comfortably that it seemed like they had forgotten they were supposed to be on a date. The duo had been competing on who could win the other a plushie first; Beomgyu won of course. There was no way he was going to let Taehyun beat him when this was one of his special skills that he constantly bragged about. 

And that’s how Taehyun ended up walking to the park with flowers in one hand, and a giant mint green dinosaur plushie in the other. He didn’t seem to mind though, happily walking beside Beomgyu and talking animatedly about the group project that Kai and he were involved in. 

Beomgyu couldn’t help but be mesmerized by him. Every time Taehyun talked about something he found fascinating or something he was deeply invested in, he always had this glint in his wide eyes that you practically feel the passion radiating from him. School was important to him; he always said that knowledge was power, and he saw it as an opportunity to better himself. Beomgyu never told him, but he knew deep down it was because he was trying to prove to himself that he would be better than what his parents. 

Taehyun didn’t seem to notice that Beomgyu was just watching him and that his words were going in to one ear and out the next, too invested in explaining how he wanted to project to go. 

They settled on a park bench overlooking a garden of flowers, their bright colours still standing out amidst the dark evening. They had spent so long at the arcade that by the time they left to get some food, it was dark outside. 

Beomgyu had offered to take Taehyun to a nice restaurant, but he declined saying that he would be satisfied with just some street food. They ate it while walking to the park and now they were just sat on the bench, staring into the distance as the stars above lit up the night sky. 

They had talked the whole time together that as they sat in comfortable silence staring up at the sky, each lost in their own thoughts, there was no awkwardness in the air. 

“I really had a good day today hyung. Thank you.” Taehyun said so softly, Beomgyu could have almost missed it. 

“I’m glad to hear that. I tried.” Beomgyu replied, grinning widely. 

“The flowers… thank you. I’ve never received them before.” 

“Sorry, I didn’t know if you’d like it or not, so I took a risk.” 

Now it was time for Beomgyu’s cheeks to turn red. 

“I don’t like them hyung,” Taehyun said, as Beomgyu’s heart fell to his stomach, “I love them. Thank you.” He finished, holding them up as he took a quick sniff. 

Beomgyu let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, thankful that the florist was right after all. He simply grinned back. 

“You know, I was nervous about today. I know we’ve known each other for a while but this is… well it’s a new direction I guess.” Beomgyu started, eyes glued to his fingers. 

“I know. I was nervous too; I could barely sleep last night.” Taehyun retorted. “But somehow, it doesn’t feel wrong.” 

Their fingers were brushing up next to each other on the bench. One move and they would be holding hands. Fuck it, we’re here anyway. Beomgyu took the plunge and took Taehyun’s warm hands in his, lacing their fingers together softly. 

Taehyun seemed to tense at first, realising what had just happened. Beomgyu felt it and was just about to pull away, when Taehyun tightened his grip and leaned his head on Beomgyu’s shoulder. 

Beomgyu leaned into his touch, eyeing the purple lilacs Taehyun was still holding onto. Although he had been worried about today, it turned out great- being with Taehyun felt as natural as breathing; there was nothing complicated about it. 

So, as the pair stared at the night sky, talking about anything and everything, they had high hopes for what was lying ahead of them. 

A first love. Those relationships were always the sweetest right? Too bad they always hurt the most too.


	5. Chapter 5

Taehyun’s POV

“I’ll call you tonight okay?” Beomgyu said, squeezing his hand tightly.

“The usual time?” Taehyun asked, smiling softly at him. 

“Of course. Now head in, I don’t want to keep you.” The older boy replied, ushering him in and letting go of his hand. 

Taehyun could feel the warmth leave his body as soon as they parted. 

“Take care going home Gyu.” Taehyun whispered, quickly leaning into plant a soft peck on Beomgyu’s lips. 

Before Beomgyu could process what just happened, Taehyun opened the front door to his house and walked in, giggling at the dumbfounded look that the peck left on his face. They had been dating for three months now, but it seemed like someone still hadn’t gotten used to it.

Taehyun couldn’t believe that it had been three months already; it felt just like yesterday that they had gone on their first date and they were still trying to navigate their feelings towards the new turn in their friendship. Yet here they were, Beomgyu always dropping Taehyun home, refusing to let him walk by himself. 

Beomgyu had always been protective over him, seeming to take on the role of an older brother since they met, but now that they were dating, his over protectiveness had reached new levels. The older boy was constantly worrying over every little detail, from how much he eaten after noting that Taehyun seemed to drop a few pounds to the clothes he was wearing, constantly pestering him if it was a cold day and he was only wearing a light jacket. 

Normally, Taehyun would have been annoyed and told him off; but in this case, it was endearing to him. It was nice to know that someone cared that much about him. 

He made his way upstairs to his bedroom, taking off his coat and opting for comfier clothes. He thought back to his day with Beomgyu; it has just been like any other date they had went on, and he was content but… was he truly happy? 

He loved how Beomgyu treated him, how gentle and caring he was, always making sure he was happy and comfortable. He could see that Beomgyu was giving it his all, and even though he held back at times, Taehyun could tell how hopeful he was every time they were together. 

He did like Beomgyu, even agreeing to drop the honorifics with him just to make it seem more plausible but as content as he was, it just felt like there was always a piece missing; a piece that Taehyun couldn’t get his hands on. He sighed and tried to push his wandering thoughts back, dismissing them as fear because they were just getting started. Besides, there were bigger things to focus on.  
Tonight was their weekly family dinner; something that his parents had tried enforce ever since they began going to couple’s counselling. They had told him that they hoped it would bring them back closer together as a family, with his dad also going to an alcoholic support group in hopes to better himself. 

Taehyun wanted to believe that they would go back to how things used to be before, he wanted to believe that the man he looked up to as his hero growing up was still there. But every time he met eyes with his father, he could never forget the look in his eyes the first time he had witnessed his anger. 

He had somewhat tried to fix things with him for the sake of his mom. He agreed to go on golf trips with him once a month and he had even gone back to calling him dad instead of his first name. But nothing changed, because on the odd occasion his dad would succumb to his temptations, he would still see the marks that it left behind on his mom. 

Every time he saw, he would plead with his mom to divorce him for their sake- but her answer was always the same. She was more worried about what their family friends would think and their family image more than her own happiness; it physically and mentally drained Taehyun to see her own coping mechanisms. 

He knew tonight’s dinner would be the same as always; they would start of by asking each other how their day went, listing three things that they were grateful for and after that they would all eat in silence, not knowing how to make any further conversation without causing animosity. 

But he didn’t have a choice. At this point he was only doing it for his mom’s sake and he just had to get it over and done with. 

He walked downstairs, the smell of food hitting his nose and his tummy grumbling in appreciation. The table was all set up, different types of food all laid out ready to be eaten; and there at the head of the table, was his father smiling so angelically he was almost fooled. 

“Taehyun! You’re back already. Come sit, we’re ready to eat.” 

Taehyun only managed to smile back, as he took his usual seat beside him. His mother entered then, carrying a steaming bowl of rice. 

“Ah you’re back just in time. I made your favourite dish today.” She said, beaming at him. 

She took her seat and smiled at his dad, a sickeningly sweet smile on her face. Taehyun felt nauseous. This was always the worst part for him; looking at his parents acting all sweet when he could see in between their act. 

The three of them started eating, his parents making small talk as he shoved food in his mouth. The quicker he ate, the quicker he could just go into his room and sit in peace. But of course, they wanted him to talk too. 

“How was your day out with Beomgyu?” his dad asked, looking at him. 

Although he wasn’t looking, he could feel his gaze burning holes into the side of his head. 

“It was fine. Just the usual.” He replied, looking down at his food. 

“How’s he doing?” his mum asked. 

“Good.” 

“Isn’t he going off to college soon? Is he studying hard?” 

“Yeah.” 

Taehyun knew he was giving short replies, probably getting on his parents’ nerves. But he just couldn’t keep up the act today. He was exhausted and he just wanted to eat in peace and then leave. He didn’t want to have to pretend to enjoy having dinner with his parents. 

“Taehyun.” His mom’s cold voice finally made him look up. She was glaring at him. 

“What?” he replied, tearing his gaze away from her. 

“Can’t you see we’re trying? What more do you want from us?” she asked. 

He kept quiet, biting his tongue, because otherwise he would definitely say something that he would later regret. 

“Taehyun, your mother is speaking to you.” 

He clenched his fists, trying to keep his temper under control. 

“I don’t want anything from you.” He replied, continuing to eat. 

The atmosphere around the table had turned tensed, only the sound of forks hitting the plates as they all sat in silence.

“Hey Hyun, I’m thinking of getting a new car. Want to come with me to the dealership and look around?” his dad asked hopefully. 

“I’d rather not.” Taehyun replied. 

His mother smashed her utensils on the table. 

“Your father is trying his best to repair our family. Why do you insist on resisting our efforts?” her voice laced with anger.

Taehyun scoffed.

“Just because you forgave him doesn’t mean I have too. Can’t you see I’m trying my best to accept this situation no matter how fucked up it is?” he spat back. 

He pulled away from the table, leaving his half-eaten dinner, as he stood up.

“Thank you for dinner. I no longer have an appetite so I’m leaving.” Taehyun said calmly, bowing towards his parents. 

He walked away, ignoring his mom’s calls for him to come back, having had enough of that so-called family dinner.

He walked into his room, desperately trying to control his temper which was sizzling near his breaking point. He paced back and forth, trying to think of relaxing things. 

Taehyun rarely lost his temper, if you asked anyone who knew him, they would most likely tell you how he was laidback and his mood very rarely dipped. But it seemed his parents knew just what buttons to push; almost like they were constantly testing him. 

Just then his mom walked through the door. He stopped in his tracks and looked at her. She walked into his room and shut the door behind her; he expected her to talk to him, to try and understand where he was coming from. But he never expected to hear her next words.

“Don’t you see how you’re tearing our family apart by your actions? Can you stop being selfish for once?” 

Taehyun stilled. He almost did a double take; did he really just hear her say that to him. 

“I’m tearing our family apart?” he whispered in disbelief. 

“Me and your father are working things out for our family, for you. So why are you hell bent on making our lives difficult?” 

He didn’t know how to react. And then he did the only thing that made sense to him in that moment. He laughed; Taehyun burst out laughing, clutching at his stomach as if he had just heard the funniest joke. His mom stood there in shock, clearly expecting a different answer.

“What’s so funny?” she asked.

“What’s funny?” he answered, still laughing. “What’s so funny is that you’d rather point blame towards me, your son who has been trying to protect you from the real reason this family is being torn apart, instead of that monster.” 

“He’s trying to-“ his mom started. 

“Oh, save it. My words have fallen on deaf ears for the past two years I doubt it’s going to make a difference now.” Taehyun spat out bitterly. 

His mom was silent beside him. 

“You don’t know what it takes to make a relationship work.” She answered quietly. 

“Well I doubt pretending that problems don’t exist is one of them.” 

“That’s not fair. You don’t know the things I’ve sacrificed for you.” 

“I never asked you too.”

“I did it because I love you! Why are you doing this to me? To our family? Don’t you see how much I care for you?” 

At that, the lid on Taehyun’s temper that he had been desperately trying to keep on, flew off. 

“Don’t you see how much I care for you?” he yelled. “Did you think I liked hearing your screams every night and knowing I was helpless? That no matter how hard I tried to protect you, it was all for nothing because you choose to stay?” 

At this point, Taehyun’s chest was heaving, his voice filled with emotion, shaking as he spoke. 

“I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve asked you to leave for your own sake; it physically pains me to see you having to pull yourself together and plaster a smile on your face.” He walked towards her, grabbing her hands in his. “Please, I’m begging you; walking away won’t hinder you, it will set you free.” 

“But I love him… I love him too much to leave; too much that I’ll always forgive him. Please Hyun, for me.” 

Taehyun closed his eyes and dropped his head. What was the point of trying to fight an endless war that he always destined to lose? 

“That isn’t love anymore mom.” He whispered. 

“And you think you know what love is because of Beomgyu?” she responded, tearing her hands away from him. 

Taehyun looked up in shock. He hadn’t told anyone about them, so how was she suddenly bringing him into the conversation. 

“You think you know what love is? You have no idea.” 

She walked out, giving Taehyun the coldest look that sent shivers down his spine. A look that he had only seen once before, on someone that he used to look up too. 

His phone rang, and he glanced at the screen, knowing who it was without even having to look at the name. But tonight, he was officially drained. He switched his phone off and laid in bed, a million thoughts running through his brain.

Taehyun himself was just a kid. He was still trying to find his place in life so why did he already feel burdened as if the whole world was sitting on his shoulders?

———————————————————

It had been three days since the last time they had spoken. Taehyun had managed to avoid Beomgyu’s calls and messages, opting to just hide away in his room.

He knew Beomgyu was getting frustrated and worried, judging from his texts but he couldn’t bring himself to reply; his mom’s words from the other day had stuck with him. 

You think you know what love is? 

The words kept replaying over and over in his head like a broken record player. Did what he have with Beomgyu equate to love? Sure, he loved him as his best friend, the only person he could trust; but was their newly founded ‘relationship’ love? 

Taehyun’s parent’s marriage wasn’t exactly have the best example to go on from- but the more he thought about what he had with Beomgyu, the more doubts he seemed to have. Was he just kidding himself? 

Sure, he loved Beomgyu’s company and spending time with him… but did he see them together for the rest of their lives? Could he make the same sacrifices his mother had? Would he be blinded by love just like her?

They were young yes, but the way Beomgyu looked at him… it felt like more than just that. But Taehyun wasn’t sure if it was the same way for him, not anymore. 

His phone rang, signalling another message. He hadn’t looked at the ones from earlier, but he was curious, wondering how he was getting on. He felt bad, but he needed to clear his head first.

‘Hyun, I’ve been so worried, please just let me know you’re ok.’

‘I miss you. I hope you’re taking care of yourself.’

‘I’m coming over whether you like it or not.’

Wait what? He had sent that two minutes ago. Taehyun wasn’t ready to see him yet, not when his feelings were all over the place. 

But where was he supposed to go? Taehyun panicked, in times like this Beomgyu’s house was always the place he went to hide from the world. But what happens when you’re hiding from Beomgyu himself? 

His phone buzzed again, and he felt his heart drop to his stomach; there was no way he got here that fast, right? He looked at his phone and the name that appeared on the screen gave him so much hope he almost jumped with joy. 

Kai. 

He grabbed his coat and headed out, not even bothering to tell anyone who was at home. Truth be told, he doubted they would care anyways. 

A bus ride later, he found himself outside Kai’s house. He had been over a handful of times already but was always amazed as he looked at it from the outside. Taehyun himself lived comfortably, his house big enough to accommodate him and his parents; but compared to Beomgyu and Kai’s houses… well that wasn’t even a competition to begin with. 

He walked past the gate and rang the bell, praying that Kai would open it; he didn’t think he was in the mood to make small talk with anyone. 

The door opened suddenly, and someone must have been looking out for him today, because the door revealed none other than Kai, albeit looking a tad bit confused. 

“Taehyun? What are you doing here? Beomgyu hyung has been looking for you.” He questioned, looking left and right to see if he was alone. 

“Long story. Can I please hide here for a few hours?” Taehyun pleaded. 

Kai must have sensed the urgency in his voice, because he ushered him in without another word, leading him upstairs to his bedroom. Once they were inside, he shut the door behind them and crossed his arms, staring at Taehyun as if he had just committed a sin. 

“Are you going to talk now?” 

“Like I said, it’s a long story.” 

“Aw that’s cute, you thought you had a choice. We have all day so spill.” Kai said, gesturing for him to make himself comfortable. 

Taehyun sighed as he took a seat on Kai’s floor, crossing his legs before lying on his back. 

“I don’t even know where to start Kai. It’s not like I don’t want to tell you; I know we’ve only just met but I feel like I can trust you with my life already.” 

“Taehyun, of course you can trust me. I treasure our friendship; I hope you know that.” 

“I know, I know but… how do I even explain to you how I’m feeling when I’m not sure myself?” 

Kai looked thoughtful for a minute, humming to himself as he stared out the window. Taehyun felt guilty; Beomgyu was probably at his house by now and he would be more confused than ever for being blown off after three days of not hearing from him.

“Well maybe if you tell me, I can help you piece it together?” Kai suggested. 

Taehyun was doubtful; if he himself couldn’t figure it out, how would Kai, someone who he hasn’t known for that long, know? But he had run out of options. 

“Yeah, I guess we could try that.” Taehyun responded. 

“Kai, there’s something I need to confess first.” he started. 

Beomgyu and him had agreed to keep it a secret but how the hell was he supposed to explain his feelings without being caught out. 

“Hmm?” 

“Um, Beomgyu and I… W-we’re um…” 

“Oh, the fact that you two are dating? I already knew that.” Kai said casually, rolling his eyes. 

Wait. What? 

“What? How?” Taehyun questioned, confused as to how he figured it out. 

“Oh please, you guys aren’t exactly sneaky.” Kai started, amusement in his voice. “Plus, the amount of times you’ve slipped up and called him Gyu instead of hyung, the looks you give each other at lunch, and the secret hand holding under the table you think no one sees?” 

“I have the eyes of a hawk; nothing slips by me.” he announced proudly. 

Taehyun was speechless; he thought they had been doing a good job of hiding it. Apparently not. 

“Does anyone else know?” 

“I doubt it. Everyone just sees you as gay best friends.” Kai replied, laughing. 

“What!?” 

“I’m kidding. I could have just been calling your bluff you know, but you’re a terrible liar.” 

Taehyun threw pillow at him, as he fell back laughing. 

“Ok but seriously, what’s going on? You guys are practically joined at the hip, why the sudden problems?” Kai asked, looking genuinely concerned. 

“There’s nothing wrong with us, Gyu treats me so well I could never complain…” 

“Then what’s wrong?” 

Taehyun hesitated. How do you explain to someone that you feel like a villain, not capable of doing anything good, not capable of returning the same love that someone willingly gives to you? 

“My family… well my family’s complicated.” Taehyun started, not knowing how to explain it. 

“Hyun, it’s ok. You don’t need to give me details, just enough so that I can help you try and understand what you’re going through.” Kai said reassuringly, giving him a soft smile as if to let him know that he understood what he couldn’t say. 

Taehyun was grateful. What did he do to deserve his friends? 

“Well, me and Beomgyu have been doing great. He’s everything I could ask for in a guy with the bonus that he’s already my best friend, so it seems perfect, right? But… I-it just feels like there’s something missing you know? But I just don’t know what.” 

He sighed. His family life was going to shit, but if someone had taken a glance at his blossoming relationship, they would think that everything was going great; but if you took a closer look...

“I got into a fight with my mom the other day, over something stupid. But then she said something that just made me think of things differently, and now… well now, I’m basically just confused.” He started. 

“Confused over what?” 

“Am I even capable of love?” Taehyun asked. 

He hated this; he hated feeling vulnerable to people because that’s when they took advantage of you, preying on your weaknesses. He hated that he was running away from Beomgyu and hiding away in Kai’s house because he was scared. 

He had made a promise to himself a long time ago that no matter how scared he was, he wouldn’t go down without a fight. But here he was, a coward running away from his feelings, desperate for a helping hand. 

“Hyun, everyone is capable of love.” Kai said softly. “I don’t know who said otherwise, but love is the most natural human instinct.”  
“People aren’t born with hatred and anger, they are taught it; but love, that’s imprinted in your heart from day one; why do you think babies trust their parents as soon as they’re born? That’s unconditional love.”

“But what if I’m fucked up? What if all I’ve known of love is the heartbreakingly, life destroying kind?” 

Kai looked at him inquisitively. 

“Well, there’s the beauty of being your own person too. You can choose to unlearn what you’ve been shown, and create your own definition of what love is, based on what you think is right.” Kai said, smiling down at him with the most comforting smile. 

When Taehyun had first started to get to know Kai, he just thought of him as a walking ray of sunshine, someone with such a bright personality that he had never been touched with the cruelty of the world he lived in; but now he knew better. Kai was wise beyond his years, something you only acquire when you have suffered throughout life; but he still kept his cheery personality. 

Taehyun admired him for that. It took a lot of courage to stay soft and gentle in a world that was weighed down with misery and suffering. 

“Can I ask you something?” Kai asked, breaking Taehyun out of his thoughts. 

He simply nodded. 

“Are you doubting your relationship with Beomgyu- hyung because you’re scared of your feelings and where it’s headed? Or because you just aren’t ready for a relationship right now and you’re too scared to admit it?” 

Kai’s simple question left him speechless. Had he just pinpointed the problem, something that Taehyun couldn’t see because he was too busy denying it? 

“I… I don’t know.” He replied weakly, not daring to meet Kai’s eyes who would have seen right through him. 

“You don’t have to admit it to me; but I think you at least owe it to yourself and Beomgyu-hyung. You can’t hide forever.”

Kai was right. Of course, he couldn’t keep his act up much longer, he needed to let it out. 

“I don’t want to hurt him; that’s the last thing I want, especially when he’s basically been saving me from myself since we met.” Taehyun said. 

It was true. Before they had met, Taehyun was just drifting through life not really having a purpose. He was just trying to do good in school and drown out the harsh reality of what has happening at home; that was until he met Beomgyu.  
Unknowingly, Beomgyu had made him realise that life was more than just surviving and living day to day. There was so much good in the world, and even though you had to look a lot closer than usual, it was there for you to find and treasure. 

So, how could he turn to him and rip away the solid relationship they had built, and how could Taehyun hurt the one person who he cherished the most. He was flooded with guilt. Beomgyu had been there when he was in pieces, holding him and helping to pick up the pieces so that Taehyun could stitch himself back together; and now, he was to walk away and leave Beomgyu in pieces by himself. 

“I understand where you’re coming from Hyun. It’s scary. But you can’t keep him in the dark; he deserves the truth, even if it’s going to hurt him.” 

“I know that… but how do I even begin to explain myself to him?” Taehyun said, frustrated as lay back on the floor staring at the ceiling. 

“You just rip it off like a band-aid and hope that he listens.” 

“But I’m not ready to lose him as a friend. I don’t think I’ll ever be.” 

“If what you guys have is real friendship, you’ll overcome this; it might take some time and space away from each other, but it will heal. And then you can just laugh about it after, right?” 

“You have to trust your bond with each other.” 

Taehyun didn’t make a move, just kept staring at the ceiling. His mind was racing with all the different possibilities and scenarios of what could happen; but deep down in his heart, he knew what the right thing to do was. 

He sat up and looked at Kai for the first time. 

“Can we do something to take my mind off things? I just need time to process it in my head.” 

“Of course, let’s go eat. I’m famished.” 

———————————————————

He had hidden in Kai’s house for the past five hours and now that it was starting to darken outside, he realised it was probably time to head home. 

He said his goodbyes and left, having made up his mind. 

He should have just gone home; should have just slept on the conversation he had with Kai. But instead, his heart led him to Beomgyu’s house. 

And as he stood outside the familiar door, about to ring the bell, he heard a familiar voice behind him.  
“Taehyun?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are slowly starting to unravel :( feel free to comment below or reach me on twitter @choiseokjinie!


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